grateful for this bump

I always thought that once I got pregnant it would just be bliss, carefree bliss. Yeah I might be a little sick here and there but it wouldn’t be all that difficult to endure considering I would have a precious little bean growing inside me. Well no one told me how stressful being pregnant could actually be. Don't get me wrong it's still so exciting and fun, but it seems like from the moment I conceived I have been worried about this little girl (I’m convinced I will be sprouting gray hairs any moment now). Maybe it’s just that I do tend to be a worrier, but man it’s a stressful thing. I mean how do you know if they are doing alright in there? You can’t see them and for the first while you can’t even feel them.

Well for the first 23 weeks I had the normal worries that I think most every mom to be has. But at my 24-week ultrasound my doctor said that she had a little fluid on her kidney and her head was measuring small so he was sending me to a maternal fetal specialist the following week to check it out. And of course I. freaked. out. As soon as I got home I started researching it online and boy was that a bad idea. I jumped to the worst possible scenario's and before I knew it I was convinced my little girl was going to have all sorts of problems.

After enduring a weeklong wait, it was finally the day that I was to see the specialist. I was so nervous as to what they would say. Byron couldn’t be there because he had class so I made my mom come with me. As soon as the nurse took me back she said, “Okay so you’re here to see the specialist because your doctor thinks your baby might have clubfoot?” My mom and I looked at each other like wait what? I thought I was there because of her kidney’s and head... oh no now there is something ELSE I have to worry about. So we go back and the ultrasound tech did a scan. She checked everything and told us that her kidney was perfectly fine, she looked healthy, and her foot looked normal. Then the specialist came in and took a look. She told me from what she could see everything looked fine… then there was a pause… oh wait maybe you’re daughter does have a clubbed foot. And for the next 20 minutes she went back and forth, no she doesn’t, and then yes she does.

Finally she said she couldn’t tell. She couldn’t give me a definitive yes or no so she wanted me to come back in four weeks. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have to go another four weeks of this stress? So during the four-week wait, Byron and I prepared ourselves with the fact that our little girl had a clubbed foot. We did a ton of research and talked to people to get an idea of what the treatment would consist of. We came to terms with the fact that even if she had this minor issue, we wouldn’t love her any less and we would do whatever we needed to do to get it fixed. But it was hard. This was my first baby and to think ANYTHING could be wrong with her, no matter how small, just made my heart ache. I wanted her to be perfect. And it seemed as if any time I thought about it was immediately followed by me bursting into tears, and I’m sure all those hormones in me weren’t helping the cause.

During the four-week wait, we said a lot of prayers, I got a lot of blessings, and our family fasted. I really don’t know how I could have gotten through those weeks without those things. But once we went back to the doc, she reassured us that she didn’t see anything that worried her, and she was no longer worried about her foot. She gave us the great news that our little girl looked perfectly healthy. I immediately started to cry the moment she said those words. I have never felt so much gratitude in my entire life. Immediately after leaving I made a promise to myself that I would never ever take a healthy baby for granted, nor would I ever take for granted the fact that God was entrusting me with this sweet spirit. At first I was extremely frustrated at the fact that I had spent so much time worrying and stressing over something that I didn’t need to worry about. But then I realized that this experience taught me so many things. I especially learned what having true faith really means. Never in my life have I had to have such complete faith. I had been so used to having control over the things that I want in life. And for the first time in my life I had absolutely no control over something that I wanted so badly. I was forced to turn it over to God. I was forced to trust that whatever happened would be what was meant to happen. I learned to give up my will to God’s will, and came to realize God knows what we need more than we do. Once I came to terms with these things, I felt peace. I felt the overwhelming peace and love of our Heavenly Father. I knew that our Savior Jesus Christ knew what I was going through and he was the only thing that could give me comfort. 

So today I am extra grateful for this bump and that my sweet girl is growing healthy and strong in there. And I especially can't wait for her to get here so I can kiss those little feet of hers. Only nine more weeks I tell ya, nine more works. I can hardly contain myself.